Iowa Caucus Results.

I owe a WHAT? I don’t owe you anything!
No, not I owe a coccis, the Iowa caucus. The most ridiculous thing ever. Why don’t we focus on getting to Washington, DC? Hmm? Not Iowa. I may not have my facts completely correct, but it doesn’t really matter for today’s blog.

1: Mitt Romney won by eight votes. Not a landslide. He may have even rigged it. (I hear that’s a great way to become president) (not trying to start rumors, it’s just suspicious)
2: Michelle Bachmann quit. She ended her campaign. (she came in fifth in Iowa with 8%) I literally cheered when I read about it this morning. One less crazy bitch to screw us over. Yay!
3: Rick Santorum came in second place which is obviously first loser, right?
4: Newt Gingrich came in fourth with 14%. We hope he drops out.
5: Ron Paul called Newt Gingrich a chickenhawk. (one who votes yes on all military activity, but when given the chance, shies away from actually taking part overseas.)

Bottom line: nobody will work with Obama, so we hope the democrats throw another candidate into the race because if the republicans get into the white house… Well, you can find me living in my new chateau on Pluto. (totally a planet)

Peace out and happy politician slamming over the next few days.